So, I just dropped my kid off at college. For those of you who’ve already walked this path, I don’t even need to explain the conflicting emotions this brings. We raise them for this. For the leaving. The flying. The becoming. But nothing can truly prepare you for how heartbreaking and yet breathtakingly beautiful it is to let their little hands go.
I began writing this blog post with the intention of talking about how back-to-school changes our work rhythms. How as business professionals, we must adjust to new hours, bus delays in traffic, sports events, pickup or the ever-dreaded carpool drop-off. I was going to review time management systems to help you succeed this school year… but all I can picture right now is my little girl, alone for the first time on her own in a new city.
I’m sitting here worrying about whether we packed enough band-aids. If she has enough food. If she’s eaten at all. If she’s safe. If she’s scared… Whether you have children or not, we’ve all been that girl, that boy, on their own for the first time. And since I have the best bosses in the world, and because I believe these feelings of becoming, of starting something new, are universal to us all (at any stage in life), I’m going to take a detour in this blog post. I want to encourage every new business owner, every new parent, everyone facing a major life change or working through a life-altering circumstance for which they never asked. I’m including you reading this, my little girl sitting by herself in her dorm room, and this mama who’s choking back tears as I write. Let’s talk about being brave, especially, ESPECIALLY when we’re scared of what must change.
Everything Changes, Eventually
Some things take as long to change as an ocean liner making a u-turn: a bad habit we’re trying to break, a little kid dreaming of the day he’s big and strong, a fledgling business growing into a thriving empire. Other changes are shockingly sudden: a diagnosis, a divorce, a windfall of fortune. One thing is certain though: change is inevitable, no matter how long it takes to fully manifest. I take comfort in knowing we’re all in this “change state” together. Is easier to be brave when we’re not alone. From the tiniest subatomic particles to the vastest cosmic formations, everything is perpetually transforming. I like that word transform. It’s hopeful. It reminds us that we don’t change from something to nothing, from more to less. We trans-form. And each new manifestation we experience, each change, each transformation, is full of possibility.
Don’t Let Fear Stop You
You don’t have to be fearless to be brave. In fact, I contend that it isn’t really bravery if we don’t experience an element of fear or danger or unknown. Courage is when we accept we’re afraid but still choose to step forward. Sometimes we run from change. We avoid difficult conversations we know need to happen. We chase and beg people who no longer have time for us. We micromanage our businesses rather than trust the professionals we employ. These things keep us stuck in a false sense of stasis, but really it’s stagnation. Fear prevents the growth but not the transformation that inevitably must happen. When we have the courage to apply for the job, to trust or love again after a betrayal, to embrace new technology rather than spurn it completely… we open ourselves up to grow as we face the changes that must and will inevitably happen.
Honor Your Beginnings
I want to be clear: stepping bravely forward doesn’t mean you never look back. On the contrary, reflecting on where we’ve been, honoring our beginnings… this helps shape our growth. When we remember, however, it’s vital we don’t attach. Attachment can occur when we long for something at length. When we honor versus attach, we open ourselves to the lessons our past have taught us with the expectation of using them in our envisioning for the future. Another common pitfall with reflection can keep us rooted in bitterness, which can prevent our growth as equally as longing for it. Bitterness is a reluctant attachment that imprisons us in the pain of our past. When we learn to reflect with honor, we free ourselves to grow with the vision our past taught us.
You Are Never Helpless
It’s easy to think we’re helpless when it comes to the inevitably of change. The truth, however, is that while, yes, we can’t stop it any more than we can stop the passing of time, how we experience it is up to us. One of my favorite writers of all time, Viktor Frankl, made this profound statement in his short autobiographical novel Man’s Search for Meaning:
“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
Frankl knew what it felt like to feel powerless as a WW2 holocaust survivor who experienced incredible suffering in German concentration camps and lost nearly everyone he ever loved. In the most helpless of circumstances, he still found power that no one could take away. When we face change, whether welcomed or not, we, too, can choose to be brave in how we respond and integrate it into our lives. We can choose the path of resistance and bitterness. We can also choose the path of vision and hope. Vision is the guidance system for your change. It’s built on our past experiences, embraces the transformation we’re going through and hopes for a future that’s worth moving toward.
The Crossroads
As previously mentioned, we are all in a constant state of transformation. But there are crossroads throughout where we choose our direction, whether through passivity or resistance or the power of vision. What I’m encouraging you, my reader, my sweet daughter starting college, my own self as I wake to one less child in the protective nest I’ve constructed… I hope we will all be brave as we face the changes in our lives. It IS unstoppable. It IS scary. But it’s NOT an end and it’s NOT less. You and I, we get to choose how we receive it, and we get to guide the direction it takes us. Honor what was, but don’t let it thwart your growth. Own your power to choose how you respond to the inevitable. Be brave, my friends.
At Cup O Code, we typically specialize in marketing and websites, but we also strive to encourage personal and professional growth in intangible ways. Think of us like your cheerleaders, the support team who wants nothing more than to help you succeed. Ready to see your business thrive? Let’s talk about how we can join in the vision. Contact us today!
