Do you often feel stretched too thin, overwhelmed by the demands of work, relationships, and life’s never-ending to-do list? Perhaps you’ve caught yourself regularly in moments of frustration, anger, worry or discontent. These are signs that cultivating peace has taken a back seat in your life.
But here’s the truth that many of us forget in the chaos of daily life: peace is an inside job. It’s not a gift handed to us by circumstance, nor is it found in perfection or control over others. Peace is cultivated, like a garden, grown from within, nurtured by the choices we make every single day. It’s an intentional practice and a gift we give ourselves in a stressful, fast-paced world.
Here are 10 powerful and practical ways to cultivating peace in your daily life and restoring balance to your mind and spirit:
QUICK READ SUMMARY
- Prune the Suckers. Take ownership of your mental consumption and prune the things that steal your peace.
- Respect Boundaries. Just as it’s important to teach a child not to hit or to put away their toys, teaching others to honor boundaries allows them to learn mutual respect, which is key to cultivating peace in any relationship.
- Create a Sanctuary. Establishing a place of safety will contribute to your mental calm, creating a space where you feel nurtured and inspired.
- Simplify. Living simply allows you to more fully enjoy the things you choose to say yes to!
- Connect with Nature. Scientific research consistently confirms what I think our souls already know: nature restores us to a place of balance.
- Be Present. Practicing presence could have huge ramifications on your peace and help you avoid the regrets that disrupt it.
- Practice Gratitude. Big or small, moments of gratitude remind you of life’s blessings and break the mental cycle of negativity.
- Help Others in Need. Engaging with others in need keeps our egos in check, which in turn increases compassion and harmony.
- Eat Better. Like it or not, we are what we eat, and what we take into our bodies affects how we feel.
- Pray or Meditate. Find practices that guide your mind toward positivity, helping you to release negativity and create mental space for cultivating peace.
(Continue reading for more on each tip!)
1. Prune the Suckers
I had a farmer friend once teach me about removing what she called the “suckers” from my tomato plants in order to promote growth. In the same way, we have things in our lives that are literally sucking us dry. For example, social media and news outlets can quickly erode our mental well-being while stirring up discontent, anger, anxiety and even stalling our forward progress through mind-numbing scrolling. While these platforms have their value, how we consume them — what we pause to read, who we follow, how we engage — can create an algorithm that feeds us either positivity or negativity.
If you regularly find yourself emotionally disrupted when you spend time on these apps, take a step back and audit what you’re taking in. Just as the food we feed ourselves matters in how our bodies perform, what we feed our minds affects our mental stability. Prune accounts or people that drain or discourage you, reduce news consumption if it constantly makes you anxious or angry. And if necessary, take a hiatus from it altogether. I promise your world won’t stop turning if you walk away from it for a bit.
Take ownership of your mental consumption and cut away the things that steal your peace. This in turn will open up precious time for mindfulness, hobbies, or meaningful interaction.
2. Respect Boundaries
Tired of bailing out your coworkers or following behind older children by carrying their load and your own? Bitter about the lack of reciprocation from a friend for whom you’ve poured yourself out? Feeling trapped by family members who use manipulation to get what they want out of you? Each of these are examples of weak boundary setting, and the good news is you have the power yourself to change it.
In a garden we must prevent overgrowth or one plant dominating and strangling out another. (Ahem, mint anyone?) In the same way, setting boundaries is our way of communicating with those around us where our rights begin and theirs end. You get to choose how much and when to help a coworker or child, and consideration should always be given both for your own needs and for what is most helpful to the other person. Bailing, bowing or overextending to others — more often than not — is the opposite of loving. We can’t make others choose well, but we can follow through on appropriate consequences. We can stop over-performing for others. We can remove ourselves from situations where we are not treated honorably. And we can work on respecting the boundaries of those around us, too.
Just as it’s important to teach a child not to hit or to put away their toys, teaching others to honor boundaries allows them to learn mutual respect, which is key to cultivating peace in any relationship.
3. Create a Sanctuary
If you ever get a chance to visit Carolina Beach State Park in NC, you’ll discover signs promoting it as a wildlife sanctuary for the Venus Flytrap, a unique carnivorous plant that has become endangered due to deforestation. In a world that has become indifferent to this species, a protective habitat has been erected to ensure its survival.
Every living thing on this planet needs a place of sanctuary, safety, respite where they can grow and flourish. If you have none, then now is the time to carve that space out. Your home is usually the easiest place to establish this since it is typically the place where you can exert the most influence. If clutter is preventing you from relaxing in your home, take charge of this and purge. Design spaces that spark joy and calm for you. Maybe it’s adding a cozy chair for reading, purchasing a special piece of pottery that makes every meal feel special, or simply clearing a corner of your room for meditation and quiet.
Establishing a place of safety will contribute to your mental calm, creating a space where you feel nurtured and inspired.
4. Simplify
I used to get ambitious every March and plan grand gardens, ordering more seeds than I had space and essentially setting myself up for more work than I had time to tend. We do this in our lives, too. Overplanning, overbooking and overcomplicating your life leads to unnecessary stress.
We live in a consumption-driven, FOMO world and yet our homes, schedules and minds are screaming under the load and robbing us of peace. Don’t agree? Pull out your phone right now. How many apps do you have that you haven’t touched in months and yet are taking up unnecessary space? Open your closet. If you’re like me, you probably have clothes or shoes collecting dust. Why do we collect things we never use that only add to our already overtaxed minds and bodies? Letting these things go and simplifying your space, your schedule, your routines and your to do list is FREEING, my friends, and it’s essential to cultivating peace in your life.
Delete those unused apps. Unsubscribe from unnecessary emails. Declutter both your physical and digital surroundings. Use tools like calendars and to-do lists to bring structure to your day and to help you honestly assess what you do and don’t have time for. Consider automating your bill paying and asking for or hiring help when you have the means. Living simply allows you to more fully enjoy the things you choose to say yes to!
5. Connect with Nature
Decades of research support the theory that connecting with nature can have a calming and restorative effect, promoting healing, brain function and relational well-being. In today’s digital, concrete world, however, people are spending less and less time in these green and blue spaces.
What does spending time with nature look like? Taking just a 20-minute walk is proven to provide critical cortisol reduction. Gardening or digging in dirt has been found to provide the same benefits as anti-depressants, releasing doses of serotonin, dopamine and endorphins, key hormones for stress reduction and a feeling of happiness. Studies have even shown that watching nature shows or listening to the sounds of birds or ocean waves results in significantly better cognitive test performance than those who listened to urban sounds such as traffic or the hums of crowds. Other suggestions include keeping fresh flowers in your house, spending time with a pet, going for a swim, walking barefoot outside, soaking in some sunshine, birdwatching or picking berries.
Scientific research consistently confirms what I think our souls already know: nature restores us to a place of balance.
6. Be Present
One of the best gifts you can give yourself if you struggle with anxiety is the power of presence. Worry is born out of fear: fear of the future, often based on past regrets. Here is the truth: NO ONE knows what the future holds, and worrying is sure to increase, not decrease regrets. Ask anyone who’s faced a life-threatening diagnosis how they “got through it” without crumbling in despair. Most will tell you, “by focusing on one day at a time.”
If you’re planting a seed, you’re planting it with the hope of one day harvesting something: a piece of fruit, a flower or perhaps its shade. If you stop to consider all the possible uncontrollable things that could go wrong during its growth, you might miss your chance to plant it at all. And missed opportunities, my friend, are statistically worse than incalculable predictions of what might happen.
Being present looks like pausing in those moments of panic and remembering your choices right now. It looks like giving your full attention to the people and events in your life, honoring those moments rather than being distracted. It can include turning off your phone during a conversation, savoring your meals instead of rushing, or simply sitting in silence and breathing during a difficult or possibly blissful moment. Practicing presence could have huge ramifications on your peace and help you avoid the regrets that disrupt it.
Read more about practicing presence during the holidays in our post here.
7. Practice Gratitude
One of my life mantras that I repeat regularly is this: the lists of what we have and have not are both endless, but which we choose to focus on determines our peace. Gratitude shifts your focus from what’s missing in your life to what you already have. If you’re constantly stuck coveting, you’ll never arrive at a place of peace, no matter how much money, how much time or how many admirers you have.
If we consider gratitude something to be cultivated, like peace, then we must realize it takes work, patience and attention. Gratitude involves actively acknowledging what is good in your life, and making those split-second decisions to disengage with negativity. Take a few moments each day to write down or reflect on what you’re thankful for. Reflect and read through your past entries when the green-eyed beast of discontent rises up in you. Practice a “no spend month” where you refuse to buy more and instead use those moments of wanting to enjoy something you already possess. Reach out to friends who have blessed you as you think of it and thank them! Consider honoring others rather than solely seeking your own self interest in a situation.
Big or small, these moments of gratitude remind you of life’s blessings and break the mental cycle of negativity.
8. Help Others in Need
As uniquely as a fistful of wildflower seeds thrown in a field yields various blooms that either flourish or struggle depending on where they land, every human is not afforded the same genetic makeup or opportunities. We MUST stop the self-serving view that we all get what we deserve. It’s simply not always so. Many are born into this world with limitations due to no fault of their own. Others suffer injustice or cruelty or are simply victims of unfortunate chance, and we are always just a breath away from joining their ranks.
Serving our fellow human beings is a surprising but effective way to cultivating peace, and no matter how bad you think you have it, we ALL have something to offer. When you invest your energy in encouraging others, you gain perspective and purpose, making your burdens feel lighter. Be intentional about helping others and supporting “life-givers” rather than engaging with “life-drainers.” You know the difference, and they come in all types of economic brackets. Volunteer at a local charity, lend a listening ear to a friend, or support someone going through a tough time.
Engaging with others in need, supporting them in the ways we can without stripping ourselves bare, helps keep our ego in check, which in turn increases our compassion and allows us to live in harmony.
9. Eat Better
Modern nutritional and medical research have discovered fascinating links between what we ingest and our emotions. Known as the “gut-brain axis,” this internal communication system includes our brain, nervous system, digestive system and immune system and has huge implications not only for our physical well-being but also our mental health. Imbalance within our gut’s microbiome as a result of our food and lifestyle choices, can result in disease, inflammation, hormonal instability, disruption to our neurochemistry, and more.
Much is still being studied about what helps/hurts our guts, and I suspect that there is no one-size-fits-all solution since we are each so uniquely created. However, spend time researching foods that have been studied to provide beneficial nutrients and bacteria and experiment with them. Cut out foods that make you feel “off” afterwards or consider substituting them for healthier alternatives. Even if you “recover” within a couple of days after eating inflammatory foods, the consistent exposure to them can keep your body in a state of fight that can weaken your immune system over time. Consider keeping a food diary or using an app like MyFitnessPal. Note any positive or negative aftereffects and discuss them with your doctor.
Like it or not, we are what we eat, and what we take into our bodies affects how we feel.
10. Pray or Meditate
Whether you believe in God or not, prayer and meditation have been revered for millenia to provide healing power. These practices can foster a sense of connection with a higher being, with ourselves, with others… Scientists believe it is this connectedness that provides a feeling of emotional support, allowing us to lighten our mental burden through sharing its load.
Faith, meditation and mindfulness provide rest for our brains, empowering us to become more resilient, emotionally stable and hopeful in the face of future trials. Psychologists and neuroscientists at Harvard Medical School are using functional MRIs to study the effect of meditation on the brain’s amygdala, noting much less activation to emotional content after meditative training.
In June 2023, after less than a year of losing my husband, my children and I found ourselves facing another unbearable trial when my health became critically compromised. We were disconnected from the only church family my children had ever known and were in desperate need of support. A dear friend stepped in to organize a prayer vigil, and under the collective strength of my God, my family and my friends who came to pray for and support us, we found renewed hope, resilience and peace. THIS is what I’m talking about, my friends. Prayer, meditation, mindfulness — whether we use them to show up for ourselves or others — can have immeasurable ramifications.
Be curious about things we have yet to fully understand. Find practices that guide your mind toward the positive and the good, helping you to release negative thoughts and create mental space for peace.
Wrapping It Up: Prioritize Your Peace
Cultivating peace in your life is top tier self care. To be effective leaders, employees, parents, and friends, we must prioritize our mental health. Peace allows us to show up as the best version of ourselves for those we love and care about.
Remember, peace is a practice full of thousands of everyday choices. It doesn’t happen overnight, and it’s not always easy. But every small step you take toward mindfulness, gratitude, and intentional living brings you that much closer to the tranquility we all crave.
Start small. Start today. Because a peaceful, fulfilled you isn’t just better for others, it transforms your own life into one that thrives. You’ve got this.
